answers to questions that literally no one ASKED

Q: What's your stance on the Oxford comma?
A: Pro-Oxford comma, but anti-double spaces after a period.

Q: What kind of copywriter are you?
A: I'm not a regular copywriter, I'm a cool copywriter. *wink*

Q: What's your favorite animal?
A: This one's easy. Overweight chihuahuas

Q: What do you spend too much time thinking about?
A: Figuring out which subway car door to stand next to so as to optimize my commute.

Q: Have you ever gotten mugged in a brothel in Southeast Asia?
A: Yes. 

Q: Name one thing you're ashamed of.
A: I'm from the same city as Smash Mouth.

Q: Any tattoos?
A: I've got a dinosaur on my left forearm and if you can name it I'll buy you a beer.

Q: What do you want?
A: Probably tacos.

Q: I'm looking to round out my "30 Under 30" industry list. Are you eligible?
A: Nope. Sorry. I know, I'm bummed too.

I don't have thi

Don't be alarmed. I don't have this mustache anymore.